Becoming Tony Blackburn

2003-11-21T17:17:00.000Z

Closed For Business

I guess it comes to us all. Real Life. So much to do, so little time.

::Sigh:: Take care of yourself, y'all.

-- end --

2003-11-11T20:38:00.000Z

I remember...

Or do I? How's this for a scary thought? I have enough trouble remembering what happened to me anyway, without half of it being fiction to start with.

2003-11-07T13:42:00.000Z

Woe is me

I have a snotty cold, a stiff neck and a sore foot from treading on a wasp.

Bah.

2003-11-04T21:21:00.000Z

Restless

I can't settle. I want to write, but the wheels are just spinning in the dust. I want to read, but can't concentrate. I want to watch tv but there's nothing I want to see.

I wear the cheese. It does not wear me.

2003-11-03T23:01:00.000Z

Read: King Rat, China Mieville

I liked the ideas and themes here, having long had a weakness for stories that explore myths and legends in a 'real' setting - cf. American Gods, the Saga of the Exiles, even to a certain extent BtVS. I do however think I would have enjoyed it more if I hadn't read American Gods first, because that does do it considerably better. The recognisation of the particular myth should ideally be one of those lovely 'aha!' moments, but when I 'got' it here my reaction was more of a vague groan.

The pacing is good, as is both the atmospherics and description - the scenes with Saul eating 'rat food' physically turned my stomach, which - although not a nice experience! - is a testament to just how well it was done. The Jungle backdrop is woven in nicely, and not too obscure for someone - like me - who has no prior knowledge of it to be able to follow what's going on. Unfortunately, since Ali G I cannot see the words 'posse' or 'massive' without laughing, so this side of things was a little spoiled with unintentional humour. It could also at time be a teensy bit up its own arse, as witnessed by a scene where the antagonist advertises the fact that he has hostages by adding a line to a Jungle event poster - 'Plus Special guest - Fabe M.' For some reason, this is held up as an example of his inferiority and general lameness. So Rudegirl K is okay, but Fabe M is naff. Nope, sorry, I don't see the difference.

In technical terms, his POV wandered a little sometimes from limited third to omniscient author within the same scene - it's a bit jarring for narrative which has been in a certain character's voice to use words or phrasing that that character wouldn't, or - in one particular instance which really should have been picked up by the editor - to have information that the character doesn't. During the big set-piece, when Saul is describing the action, he refers to the music as 'Wind City' - but he never heard it before, and was never told its name. That kind of thing bugs me.

One other thing that lowered my enjoyment a bit was King Rat's manner of speech. Ye gods, it was annoying. I'm guessing that the mishmash faux-Del Boy style was intended to show his London street cred and his age (700 years plus) but boy, did it grate. I deeply loathe rhyming slang at the best of times, and the constant use of it drove me crazy. I read something like "I just followed me I Suppose" and my brain is screaming 'just say fucking nose for Christ's sake! Nose!' It probably doesn't bother other people (it didn't freak out my husband) but for me it's a sure-fire wind up. Not good for the blood pressure. (And remembering that this is the man who fried my mind with 'chymical' - ::shuder:: - didn't help).

In other nit-picks, I would have liked a bit more information about rats - it's another personal thing, but my disbelief suspends a bit easier if I have a spoonful of technical info to wash it down with. (Huh, says the brain. This guy knows about rats. Therefore I will totally believe that his characters can control them telepathically). For me, it provides the same function as visual description - it grounds me in the fantasy the way that grounds me in the setting.

Overall, I liked this. There are things I would have raised if I'd been his editor, but they're not insurmountable. I have my issues with some elements of his style, but he has a great imagination and a gritty take on fantasy which works well. I'll still read whatever he does next.

2003-11-02T22:15:00.000Z

The Wanderer Returns

Random thoughts about Dublin:

Are they ever going to finish building it?
I never realised Jameson's had three syllables.
The Guinness Storehouse smells of fish.
I really don't like Guinness.
And it didn't taste any better over there.
Temple Bar is over-rated. Might just as well go to South Street in Romford.
Colcannon is very tasty.
The Porterhouse is definitely the best pub. Although I was disappointed that they ran out of passionfruit beer.
I really think I prefer Amsterdam.

2003-10-26T20:46:00.000Z

Damn fine show, sirs

Went to see The Mission last night, at the Kentish Town Forum. One of the few bands I will still drag my sorry carcass out to see, and always worth it. They played for just under three hours, and captivated every single person in the place. Gigs have different moods; sometimes spiky, sometimes flat, sometimes not much more than polite interest. Last night's was one of the great ones - pure, unadulterated adoration. We loved those guys.

2003-10-26T16:06:00.000Z

Amen to that

*looks at the current world's population* You must have a lot of frustration then.

What pisses you off?

Created by ptocheia

2003-10-25T15:41:00.000Z

That's not what it said on the tin

Upfront: I love fanfic. I write it, I read it. No apologies. (Well what the hell's a girl to do while waiting for Sky to get their sodding fingers out and buy Angel S5? Gotta get my fix somewhere).

Some of the fic is truly brilliant - the characterisation, the storylines, the internal logic, the use of language - all better than a lot of published works. Some of it is rather self-indulgent wish fulfillment, but that's okay too. It's a hobby, after all, and why do we have hobbies? Because we enjoy them. So, fine. Some of it, however, sucks beyond the power of words to describe. Fanfiction.net is a great home for this - it tends to be full of American teenies writing High School romances. Now I have no issue with people writing High School Romance if that's what floats their boat. Writing anything is fine in my book. I may not like it, but someone probably will.

But what I don't understand is why disguise it - very thinly, most of the time - as fanfic? I like to read about Buffyverse characters - the real ones, because I find them interesting. I don't really want to read about a generic teen (or the author, more often than not. Mary Sue-ism is rampant) whose only link to a Buffy character is the name.

Take this one: I'm Only Seventeen - 'Buffy is a seventeen year old Lebanese Muslim who moves to New Jersey... ' Um. Now, you see, there is our problem straight away. Because, really, she's - well, er, how can I put this? Not.

If the author gets her jollies by writing Mary Sue romance where gorgeous bleached blond English guys fall for her, then more power to her elbow. (Although I wish that power would include punctuation. 'Cos, you know, punctuation is kewl and all). But I think I would really rather she didn't pretend it was a Buffy story. Just so we're all clear on where we are. Truth in advertising, and all that.

And yes, of course I am a Goddess:

You are Dea dubiosa, the Goddess Sue. All
the power of heaven and earth is at your
command, which doesn't stop you from throwing
tantrums, or explain why we've never heard of
you before.

What Species of Mary Sue Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-10-25T15:12:00.000Z

Revenge of the Vegetarian Subconscious

So, last night I have this big convoluted dream where I'm in the CIA or something, part of this undercover operation trying to track down a nefarious drugs ring who are operating out of a huge theme park/ranch type place run by vampires (Obviously. Vampires are *everywhere* in my head). And to infiltrate the gang I have to prove my credentials by eating a plate of bulls' testicles.

Nice.

2003-10-24T17:21:00.000Z

The Veggie Dilemma

So, it seems that Omega 3 can make it easier for signals to jump the spaces between brain cells - and thereby improve concentration and memory. For me, that's the Holy Grail. The arse of the thing is, of course, that the best source of Omega 3 is in fish oil. There are vegetarian versions, but these are the 'parent' ALA, whereas the most efficient are EPA and DHA - the fishy ones.

Principles or brain cells? There's no competition, really. So, I am now the proud owner of a little bottle of Omega 3 fish oil capsules. And dear gods, these things are HUGE. An inch long, no word of a lie. I swear I thought it was a fucking suppository when I got it out of the bottle. But I managed to swallow it, and this afternoon I remembered, out of the blue, that I'd promised to lend my mate a couple of cds last week. So I've got them in my bag to take to the pub tonight. Coincidence? The power of postive thinking? The placebo effect? Dunno, but I'm sticking with my magic fish pills from now on.

2003-10-24T15:11:00.000Z

Speaking of Not Caring...

Princess Diana. Merciful Zeus, is this ever going to go away? I'm sorry if anyone who thought she was a Saint on Earth is offended, but in my opinion the thing to remember when reading this amazing 'they're out to get me' letter is that the woman was a fucking basket case. I mean, have you read it? Bonkers. Stark staring mad.

Still, you've got to admire Paul Burrell for his determination to cash in get to The Truth, haven't you?

You know the other thing that drives me absolutely bugshit about Diana? The attitude - apparently also espoused by the Duke of Edinburgh - that someone would have to be 'crazy to leave her for Camilla'. I heard this over and over again when the whole sorry, sordid story was being played out at the time, and it always pissed me right off. Whether it was someone in the pub, or in readers' letters, or interviews, you got it all the time: no one in their right mind would leave Diana for Camilla.

Why? Why is that, exactly? Because Diana was pretty and Camilla looked like the back end of a bus? Oh, of course! Because looks are the be-all and end-all of everything, aren't they? How silly of me not to have realised that. I'm Charles, and I have this silly, neurotic, self-obsessed, manipulative, selfish bitch of a wife who I have nothing in common with whatsover, and then I have this other woman who is my age, understands my lifestyle and responsibilities and who I have been in love with for twenty years. Hmm, who do I choose? It's tricky, but at the end of the day we all know it has to be the one who looks better swanning about in a designer dress at some wanky Hollywood party, don't we? Of course we do. Heavens, what was I thinking? I must rush home to the scheming, adulterous lunatic who makes me really fucking miserable, right now. Because she's the pretty one! And who in their right mind would leave a pretty woman for one who isn't?

I mean, for fuck's sake. Are we as a species really So. Fucking. Shallow?

If Diana had looked like the back end of a bus, do you think she would have been so universally worshipped? Fuck off would she. Princess Anne fulfilled all the 'such a good person' criteria a damn sight better, but she looks like a horse so it doesn't count.

So many value judgements made purely on what someone looks like. We'll never evolve until we get over this.

2003-10-24T14:42:00.000Z

All publicity is good publicity

Or is it? Not for Ben Affleck, apparently. He's been dumped from his latest film because they're worried all the bollocks about him and J Lo has 'tarnished his image'. Could this finally be the beginning of the end for the 'famous person with zit is front page news' culture we seem to have found ourselves in? Please, could it be? Pretty please?

I am so completely and unutterably sick of hearing about famous people's offscreen lives. The fact that Holly Vallance has a spot is not news, okay?

There are many, many actors and musicians that I admire, enjoy or squee about. I would happily watch them performing all day. But I don't give a flying fuck who they go out with, what restaurant they eat at or whether they have regular colonic irrigation. I simply do not care. Is that so wrong?

2003-10-23T21:55:00.000Z

Rowan Atkinson

...is a comedy genius. No-one else could take the single syllable 'Bob' and make it screamingly funny. Even on the - crumbs, what? Ninth, tenth time of watching? Ah, they don't make 'em like Blackadder any more.

2003-10-21T18:18:00.000Z

The Rules of Attraction

What is it, that makes us find someone attractive? Chemistry, sociological conditioning, biological or genetic imperative, being opposite, being similar, being complementary, confidence, humour, intelligence, money, magic, cupid’s arrow, all of the above? Why don’t we all fancy the same people? Or even similar people? How is it that someone can make one person’s stomach fill with butterflies and another’s nausea? How much is physical and how much personality? Why do we lust after some people on first sight but grow into it with others?

Case in point: Alexis Denisof. Mmmmmm... Wesley. Thing is, it has to be Angel Season 4 Wesley: In earlier versions, or as himself, he doesn’t appear on the radar. But Season 4 Wesley, whoo! The stubble, the attitude and the sense of danger completely change it around. Why are dangerous men attractive? Nice, bumbling Wes was a write-off. Cruel, callous and violent Wes lights up the board like a christmas tree.

2003-10-18T21:59:00.000Z

Invasion of the Taste Snatchers

In which my musical discernent has obviously been stolen by aliens, because I have just fallen totally and completely in love with Behind Blue Eyes by Limp Bizkit. I mean, come on. First Evanescence, now Limp Bizkit? What is going on here?

Is this a good time to admit that I like the Bee Gees, too?

2003-10-18T19:49:00.000Z

Replay

Films I just never get tired of watching...

The Lost Boys. Very funny, kickass soundtrack and some amazingly cool vampire death scenes ('Death by stereo'. Heh). Plus, of course, the original gorgeous platinum-blonde vampire in long black coat. ::sigh::

Groundhog Day. Because Bill Murray is the funniest man ever.

Ghostbusters. See above.

From Dusk Til Dawn. Just think what an absolutely amazing result you'd get if you crossed a vampire film with Pulp Fiction and Desperado. Oh, wait, they already did.

Alien. The first film I remember that played space travel in a way that you could really see happening. The ship was unglamourous, the crew had the attitude of long-distance lorry drivers, the underlying motivation was corporate greed and the aliens were - well, alien, rather than good looking humanoids who spoke english. And it still scares me. Every time.

Legally Blonde. Um. I love cheese, okay? It's the only thing I can think of that goes any way towards explaining this.

Flatliners. Kiefer, looking beautiful. Nuff said.

2003-10-18T19:08:00.000Z

Morpheus

Morpheus

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-10-15T21:26:00.000Z

I give in

I like Evanescence. I want the album. Sigh. Yes, it sounds like faux-goth Linkin Park, but then I like Linkin Park too.

2003-10-15T21:03:00.000Z

Read: Guilty Pleasures, The Laughing Corpse, Circus of the Damned, Laurell K Hamilton

Now this is my thang. Loved all three, and looking forward to the rest. The series is called 'Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter' but I notice that she refers to herself more as a vampire slayer. I wonder, considering that the first book came out in 1993, just after the original Buffy film (1992), whether she saw that and thought right, I'll show you a vampire slayer...' Anita is rather like the series' Buffy, but without the identity-angst. What I love about her is that she's fine with who she is and what she does. Her life is scary, dangerous and light-years from normal, but she doesn't bitch about it. She sucks it up and deals with it. Buffy had a tendency to lapse into 'poor me' mode, but (so far, at least) Anita doesn't. She's funny, self-aware, moral without being righteous, and powerful without being superior. I also love the fact that she never goes anywhere without being armed to the teeth. It just makes everything seem so much more real, heh.

Hamilton's world is also very well drawn. Animators raise the dead to settle inheritance disputes, tourists flock to vampire strip clubs (and can I just say I would be first in the queue?) and the Church of the Eternal Life is the fastest growing religion in the country. You read it and you go 'yep, that's just how it would be.'

Strangely, it's probably the vampires themselves who are the weakest link. They come dangerously close to being stereotypes - I mean, I like Jean-Claude, but... a beautiful French gentleman with courtly manners and lacy shirts? Um. It felt a little bit 'seen that before'. (And I must say, I was getting to the point of wanting to stake him myself if I had to hear him call Anita 'ma petite' many more times). Likewise Nikolaos, the sadistic, powerful child-vamp. They all seemed to be more 'type' than character. My personal preference is for my vamps to have a bit more personality. (One thing BtVS always did fabulously well. Even vamps whose sole purpose was to get dusted always had a certain individuality.)

The zombies, now - they were great. From the traditional mindless killing machine, to zombie with soul, to zombie who forgot he was dead. The scene with the resurrected father who's settled the will issues and now just wants to go home was incredibly powerful - despite being background colour rather than a plot point. I hope the rest of the series has more zombie stories.

It's written in first person, which isn't normally a favourite of mine for something novel-length, but Anita's voice is so engaging that even the description and exposition never drags. The action sequences are immediate and gutsy, with no sense of the distancing that first person past tense can sometimes bring. The style works very well - small words, short sentences, short chapters. It makes for a very tight, pacy read.

If I had to criticise it technically, it would be that occasionally a metaphor or striking phrase is over-used, which lessens the effect - although in mitigation reading them all close together probably highlighted that; I'm pretty sure at least one of the repetitions actually came in different books. Oh, and the Nikes. I don't know if Hamilton was angling for a sponsorship deal, but it got a little wearing to hear quite so much about Anita's footwear.

Overall, though - great. Highly recommended.

Just wondering - are there really people who don't like vampire stories?

2003-10-15T18:16:00.000Z

Oh okay then - if I have to

Which Johnny Depp Character Will you Boff? by laizeohbeets
LJ Username
Favorite color
Age
Who:	Inspector Fred Abberline
Where:	In a dark and stormy castle
When:	December 5, 2009

Created with quill18's MemeGen!

2003-10-13T22:34:00.000Z

Fic Update

Part 3 of If Wishes Were Horses posted.

2003-10-12T22:13:00.000Z

Welcome home, pet

My novel has been a wasteland lately, something so bleak and depressing that I couldn't bear to look at it. It didn't even interest me, and if the writer doesn't care about it what chance does a reader have?

My Muse, according to the cards, is a Fire spirit - the King of Wands. Dynamic, energetic and creative but not big on attention span. I think she got bored with a long story that kept rambling in all manner of directions, and just took off. To Disneyworld or somewhere, probably, and turned her back on me.

Except when I wanted to write about Spike, of course. She's always up for playing with Spike. The whore.

So we've come to an arrangement. Some novel, some Spike. I can live with that. The novel is, effectively, starting over. She made me ask a lot of 'why?' questions, and the answers we've come up with are a damn sight more interesting than the original story. So from in excess of 60,000 words, I now have 1,292. But this is a Good Thing, she assures me. She likes it better, and she says she'll stick around this time.

I'm trying very hard not to cry.

I like my twelve hundred words, if that's anything. And at least I finally got some onto the page. That's definitely something.

So in payback, I gave her some light-hearted fluff. Welcome home, pet. You're a bitch, but I love you.

2003-10-08T21:54:00.000Z

Here's hoping, Pt 2

Inspired by Dogma, here's my entry for The Competition. Which I'm WAY more excited about than the Dark Tales one, obviously.

An Angel At My Shoulder

[Interior: Luxurious looking office. GOD sits behind the desk, the ARCHANGEL GABRIEL stands by his shoulder. DONALD sits opposite them.]

[ARCHANGEL GABRIEL] Okay, let’s do this one more time. You’re God. The almighty, the supreme being, the divine ruler of the infinite universe. God. Got it?

[GOD] I’m God? Really?

[ARCHANGEL GABRIEL] Yes, really.

[GOD] So I can – you know, do anything I want?

[DONALD] Sir –

[ARCHANGEL GABRIEL] Yep. What with being the ultimate lord of all creation, and all that.

[GOD] Wow. So I could, um, make things appear out of thin air?

[ARCHANGEL GABRIEL] Absolutely. A burning bush, a stone tablet, a dove, a – [Pauses] Okay, yeah, a salami. That’s probably more fitting for a multicultural society than loaves and fishes anyway. We can make that work.

[GOD] And I can do anything at all that I want?

[ARCHANGEL GABRIEL] Sure. Anything. Cure cancer, end poverty, create world peace. Anything.

[GOD] Uh huh. And blow stuff up?

[ARCHANGEL GABRIEL] What?

[GOD]You know. Blow stuff up. With guns and tanks and great big shiny rockets?

[DONALD] Sir –

[ARCHANGEL GABRIEL] Well – yeah, I guess so. If that’s really what you want to do.

[GOD] Are you kidding? Of course it’s what I want to do. What are you, nuts? I’m God. I’m the king of the world, and everyone will bow down before my concupiscence.

[ARCHANGEL GABRIEL] I think you mean omniscience.

[GOD] Whatever.

[DONALD] Sir –

[ARCHANGEL GABRIEL] Concupiscence was more of a Clinton thing.

[DONALD] SIR!

[GOD] What, Donald? What? Can’t you see I’m busy? I’m talking to the Archangel Gabriel, here.

[DONALD] Your pills, sir.

[GOD] Oh. Right. Time for my pills. [Pauses. Continues, in very small voice] Donald?

[DONALD] Sir?

[GOD] I’m not really God, am I?

[DONALD] No, sir.

[GOD] That’s not really a salami, is it?

[DONALD] No, sir.

[Sound of zipper being done up]

[GOD] I think I’ll go and have a bit of a lie down now.

[DONALD] Good plan, Mr Bush. Good plan.

[ -- END -- ]

2003-10-07T21:29:00.000Z

Here's hoping

Just finished my entry for the Dark Tales Autumn competition. It's called 'Run, Bert, Run' and is an everday tale of cockroaches, domestic violence and cannibalism.

Fingers crossed.

2003-10-07T20:36:00.000Z

Dogma

Funniest film ever. Seriously, dude.

2003-10-05T14:24:00.000Z

Writers' Spread

With thanks to Clare...

1__2______5__6______9
_____3__4______7__8

[1-2] Past pertaining to this project’
[3-4] Something you need to know about this project, but may not be aware of.
[5-6] Forces working for this project.
[7-8] Personal meaning of this project.
[9] Ultimate outcome; including what else this project may lead.

Using the Vertigo Deck:

1-2: Queen of Swords / 2 of Wands Rx
3-4: 5 of Swords / The Chariot Rx
5-6: The Magician Rx / 9 of Pentacles
7-8: Page of Pentacles / Hanged Man Rx
9: Devil Rx

Random thoughts:

[1-2] Past pertaining to this project

Queen of Swords is a good communicator – has a lot of inner clarity, expresses herself well. 2 of Wands – the reversal suggests not being able to get a grip on the project, not being able to take charge. That would make sense. I have never felt fully in control of this – either the story itself or the process of writing a novel. So – I know I have something to say but don’t know how to go about making it happen.

[3-4] Something you need to know about this project, but may not be aware of.

5 of Swords- a card of fighting, of victory/defeat. The win or lose situation. Chariot Rx – more lack of control. I’m not in the driving seat. Am I trying to fight the story? Trying to impose my will on it and failing?

[5-6] Forces working for this project.

Magician Rx – All the ‘in control’ cards coming out reversed. Hmmm. This is what’s going for me, so perhaps this is saying I shouldn’t be trying to be in charge? Try and be a participant not the Master? 9 of Pents – self-control, discipline. All writers need that, and yes, I think I do have it. I write at least 500 words of something, every day. 9 of Pents can also say ‘art above business,’ and I do think I’ve been putting my writing first lately. Ok, so at least I’m on the right track with that.

[7-8] Personal meaning of this project.

Page of Pents – the apprentice, learning a craft by practising it. Yes, I do see this novel very much as a training ground. The books, the courses, the other writers – they can only teach you so much. To really learn something – and to understand what methods work for you - you have to do it. Hanged Man Rx – Mary Greer says ‘you might be more vulnerable that you look, wanting to do things right but unsure where to start, or stuck in procrastination’. Yup, that’ll be me all right. Impatient to be finished yet scared of it too, because I’m so terrified of getting it wrong. The inherent dilemma – doing something tells you whether you can cut it or not, but what if you don’t really want to know?

[9] Ultimate outcome; including what else this project may lead to.

The Devil Rx. This gave me a happy, because I love the Devil, it’s one of my favourite cards. It has so much power, so much energy. It isn’t scared of anything, it’ll take on the world. I often see the reversal as quite a good thing, because it puts the brakes on a little – Devil energy can get too overwhelming, like a black hole. So this could be saying that I will manage to break my funk of fear?

Back to Mary Greer: ‘You could say no to temptations, removing what binds you and escaping an unpleasant situation. For instance, it might be time to quit a soul-destroying job in which you feel ‘owned’ by the company or tied to it in order to pay your bills. It can signal an opportunity to access the guarded, hidden treasure of your own creativity and spontaneous delight. If you realise your fears are groundless, you can release yourself from false inhibitions.’

Oh yes. Yes, please.

2003-10-04T20:44:00.000Z

Infodump

The thing that makes fanfic easy to write is that you don't have to establish the rules of your universe. It's all been done - the exposition, the explanations, the necessary information that the reader needs. It's already in place, so you can just crack on with the story. In original fic, it is that much harder. Readers know nothing about the world of my novel - and there are things that they need to know in order to understand it.

It's a really fine line between starting off with so much background that it just turns into a boring infodump that they're quickly going to get fed up with, and so little that they won't have a clue what the hell is going on.

And I am absolutely buggered if I can get it right.

Sigh.

2003-10-04T17:52:00.000Z

Story Of Your Life Pt 3

In which James and Kiefer mutiny against Evil Clare's tyrranical rule of the whip and re-open the portal to come and find me. Evil Clare attempts to thwart their plan with the aid of one of the army of vampires she has been creating in the mansion's basement, played by Adrian Paul. During the battle at the mouth of the portal, James is turned into a vampire by Adrian and immediately gets the whole black leather thing going on (in my world, that's as much part of the vampire myth as fangs). He and Kiefer drag Evil Clare and her vampire lover through the portal into the other dimension, where they are captured by my new Chief of Security, played by John Cusack. They are all brought to my throne room, where....

[Tag Clare. Go on, you know you want to.]

2003-10-04T17:07:00.000Z

Fic Update

Part 2 of my Willow/Spike story 'If Wishes Were Horses' is up. It's funny, I'd expected that writing a chapter story would be terrifying, a real pressure situation. If anything, it's the reverse - it actually feels quite liberating. In my novel, I have rewritten my early chapters more times than I can count. I'm always revising, changing emphasis, worrying about the strength of the opening character/event/line. With this story, I can't do that. I don't have the luxury of doing that. I have to simply write it, post it and then go where it's taken me.

There must be a lesson to learn in there, somewhere.

I've drafted Part 3, but I'm having issues. Willow, who kinda had other things on her mind at the time - like trying to destroy the world - never knew about the attempted rape. I've just had Xander tell her, so now she needs to deal with it and I need to show its effect on her interaction with Spike, which up to now has been very tender. My problem is in how much I let my opinion of it colour hers. Yes, it goes without saying: rape = Bad Thing and no means no etc. But the unique Buffy/Spike dynamic can't be left out of any consideration of what happened ie:

a) Buffy is stronger than Spike. Although hurt, she could - and did - physically stop him, quite easily.

b) Violent sex had been a major, regular part of their relationship.

c) Their previous history had been one whole series of no's that didn't quite mean no. She talked a good refusal, but whenever we saw him come on to her physically, despite protests, she gave in.

So yes, he did wrong - but there is a certain degree of mitigation to be found, if you want to. I do, mainly because I saw him as the abusee in their S6 relationship, not the abuser. But would Willow?

2003-10-03T18:06:00.000Z

Story Of Your Life Pt 2 - The Sequel

In which I am kidnapped by Evil Clare's minions and thrown through a portal into another dimension while she adopts my life - and no doubt installs Alexis Denisof into my mansion as a live-in sex slave PA to attend to her fiendish desires paperwork.

Meanwhile, in the other dimension, I have found myself being worshipped as a goddess by the surprised natives, who bring me offerings of marmite and Walnut Whips, and my High Priest is played by David Boreanaz. So all is right with the world.

2003-10-03T17:14:00.000Z

Eee. Ooh. Aggh

Oh, Goddess. Sky's S6 rerun has reached Seeing Red. Can I stand to watch it again? Tara, my sweet beautiful Tara (and how cruel was it to put Amber in the credits for just this one ep?). The unspeakable world-imploding awfulness that is the Scene Which Shall Not Be Named. I don't know. I really don't know.

UPDATE: I have it on, with the sound turned down. I am such a coward.

UPDATE 2: Agh. It's on. The Scene Which Shall Not Be Named.
Ow. I know it was important for his arc, the catalyst in his self-development and ultimate redemption and yadda yadda yadda, but - ow. You know? Just - ow.

UPDATE 3: Spike on a motorcycle. Hoo boy.

2003-10-03T13:05:00.000Z

Angel

They're rerunning Season 1 on Sky, hopefully (?!) to whet our appetite for Season 5, which has just started in the States.

::expires with jealousy::

It's interesting to look back on, with the hindsight of knowing where things went. And I'd forgotten just how good it really was.

Doyle. ::sniff:: I loved Doyle. He wouldn't have been with us for the long haul, of course, considering that the actor Glenn Quinn sadly passed away, and without that gap opening up we might never have had Wesley, but - ah, Doyle.

Kate. I kinda liked Kate, and the whole police connection. And I don't even know why that didn't go anywhere. Did the actress leave? Did they decide against the police thing for artistic reasons? No idea.

Cordelia. She looked so lovely with her long dark hair. Why she ever did the cut & blonde thing I will never figure out.

Wes. Dear, sweet, cute Wes. I never saw it at the time, but when you've fallen for Dark Wesley later, you look back with a whole new worldview.

I was just watching Eternity, which I adore even though the story makes no sense whatsoever - Angelus is just so much fun. My favourite line, from Cordy: "Well, I guess it's safe to come in. Evil Angel would never have worn those pants." Yup. [Pause for worshipping at the altar of the Leather Trousers of Evil].

And you know one thing that just screams out of those early eps? Cordy/Angel? Nah. Not there. Wesley, though? Wesley loves him. Wesley loves Angel to bits.

Oh, when when when do we get Season 5...? More vampires, I want more vampires.

2003-10-03T11:21:00.000Z

Story Of Your Life

The little hollywood blockbuster thing got me thinking. In an Alternate Universe where you're both a) famous and b) a good enough actor to star in your own biopic, who would you cast for the other roles?

Your partner: Since I'm obviously famous and artistic and unafraid to live an unconventional life, I am in a three-way relationship and my partners are played by Kiefer Sutherland and James Marsters. (I couldn't choose. Shoot me)

Your ex: David Duchovny. People will look at him and say 'my god, how could you have walked out on this man?' and then they will look at James and Kiefer and say 'ah'.

Your best friend: Alyson Hannigan. 'Cos she plays cute and intelligent so well.

Your boss: As I will be a famous writer, my editor. Alan Rickman. Hamming up the evil to high heaven in the way that only he can.

Other: My stalker. Every self-respecting demi-god has to have one, right? Christopher Walken. 'Cos no-one plays 'sexy psycho' better.

2003-10-03T11:02:00.000Z

Entropy

Inspired by having watched it last night (Season 6, ep 18) I started to wonder what the hell it meant. My dictionary says this:

'A measure of the disorder of the molecules in substances etc that are mixed or in contact with each other, indicating the amount of energy that (although it still exists) is not available for use because it has become more evenly distributed instead of being concentrated.'

What? I mean, just - what?

2003-10-03T10:38:00.000Z

Music Meme

Via Pogo. Your meme, should you choose to accept it, is to rank the following bands in order, from COULDN'T LIVE WITHOUT to COULDN'T CARE LESS. To add value to this process, you must also add one band to the list, and remove one band from the list, before passing the meme on (including these instructions).

Muse (added)
Depeche Mode
Nirvana
The Pixies
Sisters Of Mercy
The Stranglers
The Sex Pistols
REM
Ride
XTC
Nine Inch Nails

David Bowie (Removed)

2003-10-03T10:24:00.000Z

Friday Five - Driving In My Car

1. What vehicle do you drive?
Ford Mondeo, P Reg.

2. How long have you had it?
Four years? Maybe five? Look, I'm lucky to remember what I had for breakfast.

3. What is the coolest feature on your vehicle?
The colour. It's purple. Does that count as a feature?

4. What is the most annoying thing about your vehicle?
Um. It doesn't really annoy me at all. It goes, that pretty much covers everything I want from a car. That and the purple, of course.

5. If money were no object, what vehicle would you be driving right now?
A yellow Beetle, old style, with the personalised numberplate BUG1. Wouldn't everyone?

2003-10-02T19:28:00.000Z

Blogbuster

Denzel Washington can comfort me any day of the week. Hell, yeah.

"Flurblewig"

Melissa Joan Hart stars as Flurblewig, a programmer who feels stuck at her deadend job. The mysterious Brenda (Sarah Jessica Parker), shows up in her life and tells her about her real past. She comes back to her hometown to find her high school sweetheart, Dave (Woody Harrelson). Dave dies of cancer, and the doctor, Rob (Denzel Washington), helps Flurblewig get over the pain.

What's your journal's Hollywood blockbuster?
Created by chickenbarbecue

2003-10-01T19:15:00.000Z

The Wanderer Returns

Welcome back Pogo. Hah. The lure of the vortext is too strong. There is no escape for those who are called to blog.

2003-10-01T19:07:00.000Z

The Great Embryo Debate

So, the women lost the case. I think that was the right decision, although I have to start with the caveat that I am probably not fully qualified to comment. I don't want children. Never have. I don't like babies, or kids under the age of - oh, sixteen, say. I don't have a maternal gene in my entire body, so I really don't relate to the whole desperate for a baby thing. It is an alien concept to me, so I struggle to understand the powerful emotions that drive it.

So, with that said: It seems to me to be extraordinarily selfish. I'm sorry if anyone who wants a baby can't have one. But that's kinda how life is, isn't it? You don't get things just because you want them, no matter how much you want them. The women wanted to be mothers. Their exes did not want to be fathers. They have a right to that choice. You don't have the right to adversely affect someone else's life in order to get what you want.

Yes, if they had become pregnant naturally the men could not have stopped the pregnancy - but that kinda supposes that the relationship would be ongoing at the time. The relationships now are over. It's different. If the women had raped their exes in order to become pregnant, that wouldn't be acceptable would it? I don't honestly see this as much different. Proceeding with a pregnancy now would have been taking away their ability to consent - that's not too far from the definition of rape, is it?

And the worst thing, to me? What would they have said to the kids, when the question comes: what happened to my daddy? Yes, there are successful single parent families but divorce is one thing - you have the solace of the 'mummy and daddy don't want to be together any more but they still both love you very much...' thing. But what do you say in this case? How on earth do you explain to that child that not only does daddy not love it, but that he went to court to fight for the right not to be its daddy? That he was desperate for it not to be born? How could you even consider doing that to a child?

I do have sympathy with women who want a child. But there's no need for this - adopt one, for heaven's sake. Give some poor unwanted little bastard a chance of a family, if you're so desperate for one.

2003-10-01T18:42:00.000Z

Today, I have been mostly...

Writing fanfic. Write Sparks is a regular little fanfic generating machine. I've even put them up on my site. (I have a site! It's purple!) If Wishes Were Horses came from the mixed metaphor 'a saddle of tears' and Too Late from the Opening Line 'They arrived too late.' I love this programme.

2003-10-01T11:48:00.000Z

At home

Still at home, which is nice. Still in pain, which is not.

2003-09-30T17:09:00.000Z

Hair

I have hairy toes. Does that mean I am part Hobbit?

2003-09-30T16:56:00.000Z

Arr, me hearties

According to this, my Pirate Name is

Iron Davy Rackham

A pirate's life isn't easy; it takes a tough person. That's okay with you, though, since you are that person. You have the good fortune of having a good name, since Rackham (pronounced RACKem, not rack-ham) is one of the coolest sounding surnames for a pirate. Arr!

Now, where'd that parrot go...?

2003-09-30T13:56:00.000Z

Languid

I'm having a surprisingly pleasant day today, despite not being well. I'm off work, because I have a bad back. It's painful, but I have painkillers and my trusty hot water bottle, and comforting pyjamas. I can't sit in one position for too long before it hurts, so I read a little, lie down, write a little, lie down, have some tea and toast, lie down. Rinse and repeat. If it weren't for the actual sick part of being home sick, it's pretty much my ideal existence.

I don't know what brought this on. All I was doing was walking along the street at lunchtime, perfectly normally, when I started thinking 'um, my back feels a little tight'. Within ten seconds I was in agony - it felt like someone had laced me into a steel corset and was pulling it tight. It was a sharp, gripping pain - like cramp, but in a band around my chest about level with the top of the ribs. It was sore as hell, but the scariest thing was that it hurt to breathe. Really hurt. I kept thinking that it would pass off, but it didn't. By the time I got back to my office I was about ready to wonder if I was having a heart attack. Luckily, there was no pain in my arms, and I was convinced that a heart attack causes pain in the arms. Now I don't actually think that's necessarily true, but I'm glad I didn't know that yesterday.

It gradually eased a bit, so that I could breathe better, but the pain was constant around my back, and every now and then it would grip again, as if the muscles just locked. Eventually they decided I was obviously no good to man or beast, and sent me home. Actually the manager had to drive me home, since I go to work on the bus. Gah, the embarrassment. I hate being ill at work - I hate the fuss, you know?

So I got home, and at one point thought I was going to have to call my husband home from work to help me go to the toilet, which would have been real fun. But it carried on easing, gradually, and although I was walking like someone of about 104 years old, I got about on my own. Today was better still, and by now the little grips are just making me go 'ow' instead of 'GNNNHHH-UGGHHH!' like yesterday. I should be able to go back to work tomorrow, if it carries on getting better at this rate. Joy.

I have a doctor's appointment for Friday, although it will probably be completely gone by then.

It's the shape of things to come, I guess. I want to be 23 again, when there was never anything wrong with me.

2003-09-28T18:47:00.000Z

Write Sparks

Following a link from my little goldmine of a friend Clare, I dowloaded this software. I decided to give it a whirl, so tried the Mixed Proverbs Generator. I got 'Beauty cures all things', which just sounded like the perfect title for a drabble (flash fic, exactly 100 words). I expected it to be Buffy/Spike, since that's mostly what I write, but it suprised me.

Beauty Cures All Things

Willow sits cross-legged on the soft grass, the flower open before her like an offering from the Earth. Its petals are red, bright red. Blood red. She shuts her eyes and remembers blood.

A single tear drops onto the flower, and it glows in return. It glows like Tara glowed, so beautiful. She remembers Tara, remembers love. She smiles, and the flower smiles back.

She doesn’t deserve it, she knows that. She doesn’t deserve beauty, or memories, or friendship. She doesn’t deserve life.

But she has all of these things, and some part of her knows that she is grateful.

2003-09-24T21:33:00.000Z

Playing with matches

So, in the interests of child safety
MSN shuts its chat rooms. Leaving aside the commercial/altruistic debate, and the fact that most of the kids are probably trying to find friends in chat rooms because they're not allowed to play outside with real ones, this is not the way to go. We as a society seem to be turning further and further away from the idea of personal responsibility - the idea that, fundamentally, we choose how we live our lives. Whether it's debt, addiction, obesity or whatever, the first reaction these days seems to be to find someone else to blame. Have you run up huge debts that you can't pay back? Oh, that's the fault of those nasty banks! They shouldn't have given you the money. Are you obese? Well that'll be down to MacDonalds then, won't it? Fancy them putting all that tempting food in your way!

They were doing a report on debt recently on breakfast telly. They featured a guy of about 19 or so who'd taken out thousands and thousands of pounds in loans in order to spend it on his car. And they blame the bank. Everyone is horrifed that this was allowed to happen. Yes, it's a bad situation. But at no point did it seem to occur to anyone to suggest that well, maybe, just a possibility, you know, but maybe the guy just shouldn't have done it? That he shouldn't have spent all this money he didn't have on his car? That it was, again, just maybe, a really fucking stupid thing to do? Now he's sitting there complaining about emotional stress. Yes dear, that's what happens when you do really fucking stupid things. It's stressful.

What we need is education, not control. We don't seem to want to teach people to think for themselves or take responsibility for the choices they make, we seem to want to take the choice away from them. The guy with the huge debt made a choice - it wasn't forced upon him. We so often seem to forget that. But what they were saying was the answer was to have the banks refuse more loans. No, no, no. It's to educate people so that they don't try and take out a loan they can't afford in the first place.

If we continue promoting the idea that if you do something really fucking stupid it's someone else's fault for not stopping you, then people will never learn.

The way to ensure children don't play with matches is to teach them why it's a bad idea to do it, not to remove all matches from the house and pretend they don't exist.

2003-09-24T20:52:00.000Z

I just can't get enough of these things

Conscious self	Overall self

Take Free Enneagram Test

As the examples for my type, it says:

1/9 - uses perfectionism to have a more peaceful life (librarian)
Motivation 9 - peace, to acquire pleasure

I definitely agree with the acquire pleasure bit, that's me all over. And I just knew that I should have been a librarian. Ook.

Link via Nadine

2003-09-21T21:37:00.000Z

Ware the gerbils

Don't read the link if you have anything in your mouth or hands. There *will* be keyboard damage.

I laughed. I cried. I squealed. Go do the same.

I have never seen the Star Wars Holiday Special 1978, and I am very glad of that. I turned out quite warped enough as it is.

2003-09-21T21:34:00.000Z

Thoroughly recommended

Egg mayonaise and orange pepper on wholewheat toast. If necessity is the mother of invention, then laziness is the mother of random but unexpectedly delicous cupboard-foraged snacks.

2003-09-17T21:53:00.000Z

Snoozing

Why is it that an early night is never such a treat as a lie in?

Night night all.

2003-09-17T21:52:00.000Z

Gratuitous

Does anyone else think the video for The White Stripes' 'I don't know what to do with myself', featuring Kate Moss pole dancing in her underwear, is little more than offensively pointless titillation the likes of which I thought we as a progressive society were supposed to have grown out of?

Or am I just having some kind of sense of humour/artistic appreciation/irony/post-feminism failure?

2003-09-15T20:48:00.000Z

Overcrowding

I have too many vampires in my head.

2003-09-14T19:57:00.000Z

Songs that make you go eep

You know the ones, those that come on and go and grab you away from whatever else you're doing, no matter what it is or how deeply you're concentrating on it, and make you listen with a little shiver running down your spine. Maybe for the opening bars, maybe for a snatch of vocal or melody, sometimes for the whole damn song.

Mine, in no particular order:

Love Like Blood, Killing Joke.
Butterfly on a Wheel, The Mission
The Sun Always Shines on TV, A-ha
Motorcycle Emptiness, Manic Street Preachers
Could It Be Magic, Barry Manilow
Tainted Love, Soft Cell
The Winner Takes It All, Abba
Vienna, Ultravox
Creep, Radiohead
Idiot Stare, Jesus Jones
Wild Boys, Duran Duran
Come Live With Me, Heaven 17
Exit Music, Radiohead
Disarm, Smashing Pumpkins
Today, Talk Talk
Time Is Running Out, Muse
In The End, Linkin Park
Afraid Of Sunlight, Marillion
Evermore and Again, The Mission

2003-09-14T19:36:00.000Z

David Blaine, what a fruitloop

I'm sorry, but did it not occur to anyone that the whole hanging-in-a-glass-box thing was just asking for him to be made a target? When we heard about it, me and a carful of my mates, all pretty much normal, sane, law abiding citizens, said as one, "Ooh, let's go and throw things at him." I mean, come on - who could resist? And the people who sent up the little helicopter with the burger? Funniest thing ever, dudes. Really.

2003-09-12T19:22:00.000Z

Arachnid Attraction

I'd love a spider. One of the big, furry ones. They're so cute. If I didn't think it would probably eat my big wuss of a cat, I'd get one as a pet.

2003-09-12T16:25:00.000Z

Thinking about names

Are there any Richards these days who voluntarily call themselves Dick?

2003-09-12T16:19:00.000Z

Friday Five - A Rose By Any Other Name

1. Is the name you have now the same name that's on your birth certificate? If not, what's changed?

My birth certificate name is Michelle Ann Larn, my married name is King. All my official stuff still has that name but the majority of people I know now call me Shelley. When I went back to an office job nearly five years ago (crumbs, doesn't time fly when you're having fun) there was already both a Mrs King and a Michelle, which led to much confusion when people phoned. So, being the newcomer, I switched to Shelley. My family used to use the awful EastEnder derivative 'Shell' which makes me cringe. Although not as much as 'Meesh' ::shudder::

2. If you could change your name (first, middle and/or last), what would it be?

I've always had a vague desire for an odd name, just to mess with people's expectations. Ermintrude, perhaps. Or Toast.

3. Why were you named what you were? (Is there a story behind it? Who specifically was responsible for naming you?)

As far as I know, my dad named me for the Beatles song. Which I hate, because they pronounce it 'Meee-shell'. Gah.

4. Are there any names you really hate or love? What are they and why?

I think Gabriella is one of the ugliest female names there are. It's just too much, like one of those over-decorated meringue wedding dresses. And shortening it just makes it worse because you get Gab or Gabby. Ugly, ugly. Gs and bs are just not attractive letters.

In one of Susan Howatch's books, I think it's Penmarric, there was a male character called Jan-Yves, which I've always thought was a cracking name - whatever you look like, you've got a head-start in the studmuffin stakes with a name like that. Kerr was another favourite, both from Kerr Avon and a gorgeous Scottish guy I had a crush on when I was about eighteen. Although it reads better than it sounds.

5. Is the analysis of your name at kabalarians.com accurate? How or how isn't it?

Interesting site, think I'll run my characters through that. Michelle comes out pretty boring and stagnant, but Shelley has independence and creativity. Looks like a good decision then. Although Toast is pretty me, too.

2003-09-12T15:50:00.000Z

This morning, I have been mostly eating....

Cherries. They are fiendishly expensive (£9 a lb from Tescos) but boy, are they yummy.

2003-09-11T21:31:00.000Z

In The Words Of...

Mike the Microsoft Mouse. (Actually it's a Logitech, but that kinda spoils the alliteration).

"Arrgghh. Will you get that f***ing cat's arse off my face?"

Inspired by Pogo.

2003-09-10T20:00:00.000Z

Let's talk about sex

So what exactly does 'sexing up' involve, then? Is it a technical term with an accepted definition? I keep hearing that the BBC were wrong because the government didn't add anything to the report, but is that what was actually meant by it? I would have interpreted it to mean 'made flashier and more exciting' which I think they did with the emphasis on the forty five minute claim. Clearly, we were supposed to believe this dossier proved that Iraq was an immediate threat. It wasn't. So surely, whether you describe it as sexed up or absolute bollocks, Blair was wrong.

2003-09-09T20:55:00.000Z

Amsterdam

Is great fun. Spicy, peppery scent of hash wherever you go, freaky leaning buildings, cheap tarot decks, Vlaames Frites, top selection of restaurants and incessant jokes about butt plugs. Tremendous.

2003-09-05T11:38:00.000Z

Friday Five - Being A Slob

1. What housekeeping chore(s) do you hate doing the most?

Hoovering. ::Shudder:: I don't hoover. When I was a kid my stepmum made me hoover religiously, usually right when a programme I really wanted to watch came on (Like, Paul Darrow on The Adventure Game. I mean, come on! The man I loved was on my favourite programme and I had to hoover). I think the official idea was that doing the housework would stand me in good stead for when I had a place of my own. (Actually I rather suspect she just didn't want to do it herself. You think that could have been a factor?) What it did, of course, is make me a total slob. As soon as I got out of that place I never hoovered again. Actually I think I might have done, once. I vaguely remember borrowing my landlady's hoover in 1987 when the carpet in my flat had so much crap on it that we couldn't open the door.

2. Are there any that you like or don't mind doing?

I can just about stand to do the ironing. Put a cd on and switch the mind off and it isn't that bad.

3. Do you have a routine throughout the week or just clean as it's needed?
So do people really have a routine? Like, every week? Wow.

4. Do you have any odd cleaning/housekeeping quirks or rules?
Housekeeping. Hah. That's funny. What a quaint idea.

5. What was the last thing you cleaned?
Housewise? Um. Does taking a shower count as cleaning the bath?

If cleanliness is next to godliness then save me a seat in hell, baby.

2003-09-05T10:32:00.000Z

Meet & Greet

On a celebrity train of thought... Would you actually want to meet your idols? I don't think I would, because I know I would be nothing but another squeeing fangirl. I adore James Marsters beyond the power of words to describe, but what would I have to say to him?

"I think you're an incredibly beautiful man and a very talented actor. I totally fell in love with the character you play."

And what's he going to have to say to that?

"Thank you, that's very kind of you. I'm glad you like the show."

Blech. Pointless. No, I'll take adoring from afar, thanks, and just squee in private where it doesn't embarrass anyone.

James Marsters. ::Squee::

2003-09-05T10:16:00.000Z

Speaking of celebrity

I don't understand these magazines. You know the ones, it started off with Hello and Ok and now there seem to be hundreds of them. All proclaiming 'the latest celebrity gossip'. Actually, scratch that. I do understand the magazines - it's just the law of supply and demand. What I don't understand is the culture that's producing them. Why are we as a society so obsessed with celebrities? Discussing their work is one thing - we all love to dissect and analyse and review the things that interest us, so magazines, shows, conventions and the like devoted to the films, books, music or whatever things these people make, I get. If rabid adoration of Star Trek or LOTR or Nirvana or even Manchester United is what powers your joy, then good for you. If it makes you happy and it doesn't hurt anyone, it's a Good Thing. Even if it does involve learning Klingon. I am perfectly at home with my Inner Geek.

It seems, though, that these days it's not about what people create, it's about what the trivialities of what they do in their ordinary lives or - even worse - what they look like. Why is this important? What on earth does it matter? I saw one of those magazines the other week which had a front page photo of an actress in a posh dress with a sock mark around her ankle. They pointed it out with a big red circle. A sock mark. This is worthy of the front page of a magazine? What is going on? What is wrong with us, and how do we stop it? It's starting to frighten me.

2003-09-03T19:30:00.000Z

Brushes with celebrity

I once:

Stood next to George Michael in Steve Strange's club in London.
Saw Ricky Gervais talking on his mobile walking down a street in Covent Garden.
Waited in the same queue as Boris Becker at Munich airport.
Worked with a girl who was a cousin of Lennox Lewis.

2003-09-01T20:51:00.000Z

My telly gets on my nerves

It keeps turning itself off at random moments. Or it appears random - actually I suspect that it is making snide comments about the quality of my viewing habits.

2003-09-01T20:32:00.000Z

I want to be

... in the Polyphonic Spree. They look so bouncy.

2003-09-01T20:28:00.000Z

Random thought

Did the Teletubbies terrify anyone else, or was it just me?

2003-08-30T21:48:00.000Z

Battle Cry

So don't mess with me, right?

2003-08-30T21:29:00.000Z

The Peacemaker

free enneagram test

I wasn't sure at first, but the more I think about it the more I think hmm, maybe.

The easy-going, self-effacing type. Nines are accepting, trusting, and stable. They are usually creative, optimistic, and supportive, but can also be too willing to go along with others to keep the peace. They want everything to go smoothly and be without conflict, but they can also tend to be complacent, simplifying problems and minimizing anything upsetting. They typically have problems with inertia and stubbornness. At their Best: indomitable and all-embracing, they are able to bring people together and heal conflicts.

Link via Pogo

2003-08-30T20:13:00.000Z

Tribbles!

There are tribbles. They really exist. Look. I want one, I so want one. I want the blue one. With the ears.

2003-08-29T13:49:00.000Z

The Friday Five

1. Are you going to school this year?

No, although I am starting a course in copy-editing and proofreading with Chapterhouse. Not sure if that counts.

2. If yes, where are you going (high school, college, etc.)? If no, when did you graduate?

I left school in 1983, at 16, with four O Levels.

3. What are/were your favorite school subjects?

English, which I loved, and Spanish, which I found easy.

4. What are/were your least favorite school subjects?

Physics. Didn't get it. Didn't want to. My freaky world can't be defined by formulas and laws.

5. Have you ever had a favorite teacher? Why was he/she a favorite?

The one I loved was a hideous greasy-haired little monster called Mr Collins, who taught English for a while when I was about 13 or 14. He accused me of cheating on a story assignment, because he assumed that my twenty-page horror story had been written by an adult. Best damn compliment I'd ever had.

2003-08-29T13:38:00.000Z

Let's facilitate some visionary systems!

Be prepared for the next meeting you have to go to - the
Bullshit Generator! Almost too realistic to be funny.

Link via Scaryduck

2003-08-29T12:22:00.000Z

Lyrical Indignation

Is it just me, or does that Avril Lavigne song really piss anyone else off? For a start: Sk8er Boi. Ok, so it's trendy to save two nanoseconds by typing '8' instead of 'at'. Fair enough. Obviously your time is so precious and important that it has to be done. But 'boi'? What the fuck is that about? Call me pedantic but what is suddenly so wrong with the perfectly good word 'boy'? Not attention grabbing enough, huh?

Pretentious, boi?

And as for the story- well that really winds me up. Probably because I hate to be told what to think.

He was a punk, she did ballet. What more can I say?
He was a skater boy, she said see you later boy

Because she was an evil heartless bitch, obviously. She was pretty! That makes her evil and she did this because it was part of her master plan to ruin his life forever and no way could it have been because she came to a rather sensible conclusion that they had wildly different interests, values and desires in life and as such were unlikely to make each other happy.

5 years from now
She sits at home
Feeding the baby she's all alone
She turns on tv
Guess who she sees
Skater boy rockin up MTV
Now he's a super star, Slamming on his guitar
Does your pretty face see what he's worth?

Loadsamoney. 'Cos that's all that matters, being rich and famous. That makes you worth something. You're a single mum, that means you're the scum of the earth.

Sorry girl but you missed out
Well tough luck that boy's mine now

Nyah nyah, nyah nyah nyah. Sorry, did I miss a bit of your face there? Then let me rub it in just a little bit more. Your life went tits up but mine's great! Hah!

He's just a boy
And I'm just a girl
Can I make it any more obvious

That I'm a skanky ho? Nope, I don't think so! I shag rock stars! You don't! Ha ha ha ha.

I'm with the skater boy
I said see you later boy
I'll be back stage after the show

Because I just love being a groupie, it gives me such a great sense of self-worth. Oh, he wants me to suck off the drummer too, because he owes him a favour? Sure! He's in the band, right? That makes him a superior human being too!

I'll be at the studio
Singing the song we wrote
About a girl you used to know

Yeah, what a loser she is, she doesn't shag anyone famous, she - hey, hang on, what do you mean it's a poignant love song about how you lost your soulmate but never stopped loving her even while you were putting up with this boastful self-obsessed groupie and you're sorry you dissed the ballet and how happy you are that you've found her again? What? Hey, where are you going...?

In my world, that's the way the song goes. ::Sigh:: Ok, maybe I need a life. But it presses my buttons, ya know? Some things just do that.

2003-08-25T21:49:00.000Z

Muse Rule OK

Falling head over heels in love with their latest single, Time Is Running Out. Gorgeous epic wild-hearted overblown genius of the sort that the Manics used to be able to make before they got obsessed with pub rock and hoovering.

I saw them first, you know. Muse. Really. Me and my mate Sam saw them when they were playing third on the bill supporting Annie Christian and Kent at the ULU in a gig that was so underwhelming that XFM were giving tickets away to anyone who could be bothered to phone in. We quite liked Kent at the time because they had a single out which was a bit Puressence-like, but we both came away thinking they were a bit of a waste of space. 'That first band were good though, weren't they?' we said. "Muse, huh? Have to watch out for them...'

Matt Bellamy is a god. Only he could make the line 'You will suck the life out of me' sound like the hottest sexual invitation ever.

Or is that just me and my vampire fetish again?

2003-08-24T13:01:00.000Z

Favourite Buffy Moments #6

The Harvest, Season 1:

Angel playing the Mysterious Dark Stranger routine. Coo, he looked young in those days. And lean. And sexy. And that arrogant nonchalance is SO obviously an act, a cover to hide the sensitive vulnerability that he can't quite hide when Buffy asks him if he knows what it's like to have a friend. His face just shuts down, and a bit of your heart bleeds for him, and remembers a time when it wasn't totally owned by Spike. He's all controlled intensity and suppressed power, like a caged panther. And did I mention the dark and sexy bit? ::fans self::

2003-08-23T21:33:00.000Z

Read: The Lost Slayer by Christopher Golden

I've read a lot of fanfic which is better than most tie-in novels, but this is one of the better ones. It's set initially somewhere around the early part of Season 4 - Buffy's in college but hasn't met Riley - but then goes into an AU future with Buffy's consciousness being sent forward five years in time into the body of her 24 year old self. I'm not a huge fan of time-manipulation stories because I tend to get distracted trying to square the mechanics of it all (i.e. how can you remember future events which end up not having happened?) but this was an engaging enough story to not let me dwell too much on that kind of stuff. Quantum Leap had string theory, the Buffyverse has magic - I'll buy both as sufficient explanation if I'm motivated enough to want to.

The story explores similar territory to The Wish, giving the author free rein to kill major characters and give the vamps the upper hand, and play in the world that creates. It's entertaining, plausible and well-done, although to be perfectly honest Golden doesn't really do that much more with it than the ep did -with Buffy out of the way (in this she's been locked in a cell for five years, rather than in Cleveland, heh) the good guys have become battle-hardened, cold-hearted soldiers, a key Scooby has been turned and Sunnydale is a bleak, oppressed town completely under vamp control. I suppose that's the obvious choice, but I would have liked to see something a bit different. I was also a little disappointed with how under-used Spike was, considering that Golden wrote Evil!Spike so well in Pretty Maids All In A Row. There were also a few clumsy batches of exposition, but I suppose that's an occupational hazard in what was originally an installment story, as you have to give people a chance to catch up. One luxury fanfic has is that it can safely assume everyone choosing to read it is already intimately familar with the backstory.

Overall this is fun in a fairly mindless sort of way - a bit like watching an Arnie film when you aren't really up to anything challenging. If you're a fan you'll enjoy it but it won't make you one if you're not already.

What I Can Learn: I don't like characters being tagged with a description rather than name - I prefer Willow to be referred to as 'Willow' or simply 'she' rather than 'the witch', likewise 'Buffy' rather than 'the Slayer'. If you don't know that's what these characters are, it's an amateurish way of getting it across.

2003-08-16T19:14:00.000Z

Strangefic

If you worry whether your stories will ever find an audience, rest easy - whatever odd shit you write, it will never be odder than this. Originally spotted by my strange little friend Clare

2003-08-16T18:19:00.000Z

Parade

Spike to Buffy in Once More With Feeling: "The day you suss out what you do want, there'll probably be a parade. Seventy-six bloody trombones."

I feel like that sometimes. I think I know what I want but I'm never certain. I worry that it's all a bit too much like that old saying about money:

I wish I had enough money to buy an elephant.
What do you want an elephant for?
I don't. I just wish I had that much money.

So if you don't actually want to buy the elephant, what do you want to buy? What do you want the money for?

I think I know what I want, but that question is always at the back of my mind: what do you want it for? That's the important one, because that's the one that really addresses the bottom line. And I don't think I have the answer.

2003-08-16T17:10:00.000Z

Little white lies

When you're shown a sprog, you're supposed to tell its owner that it's beautiful. Even when it looks like a pickled walnut. I never remember that.

2003-08-15T11:26:00.000Z

Retro

Overdosing on Talk Talk today. Mark Hollis had such a gorgeous voice and 'Have you heard the news' and 'Such a shame' still send shivers down my spine after twenty years. It's inspired me to indulge a bit of a NostalgiaFest and add the remastered cd versions of all my old fave 80s albums to the Wishlist - the compilations and Best Ofs are good but you can't beat rediscovering some obscure old album track that you used to love to bits.

2003-08-14T22:11:00.000Z

Worth Watching...

A virtual Buffy spin-off series called Watchers featuring Willow, Giles, Kennedy and Andrew. Shame about Kennedy, but I'll take what I can get.

2003-08-14T21:53:00.000Z

Whetting the appetite

For Spike on Angel...

Spent today's lunch hour drooling over a James interview in SFX magazine. 'I'm not,' he says, 'gonna out-sexy David Boreanaz.' Ha! Wanna bet, James? Wanna bet?

It could also be that we'll see Faith back after all, since the pilot for Eliza Dushku's new show Tru Calling sounds a little uninspired. Yay for some more Faith/Spike interaction. Now there's a partnership I could have got behind.

Angel S5 airs in the US on 1st October. There aren't many occasions when I wish I lived in America but this is one of them.

2003-08-13T21:08:00.000Z

That's so unfair

They ditched Nick! Cute little Nick!! In favour of that boring, wailing Simone!! What is wrong with these people?!!

2003-08-12T20:34:00.000Z

Favourite Buffy Moments #5

Something Blue, Season Four: Any time the betrothed Buffy and Spike are on screen. Cute, sexy and scream-out-loud funny.

Also the wonderful foreshadowing for Willow's turn to the Dark Side two years later, with the 'my Will be done' spell. Even then, she was turning to magic to make the world easier for her. She never wanted to resolve her issues, she just wanted them to be gone. Power combined with that kind of attitude is a dangerous mix.

I used to say Season Four was my least favourite, but I think I'd forgotten how much great stuff was in it.

2003-08-12T20:15:00.000Z

Bat In Mi Kitchen

Or in mi garden, apparently. Dear Hubby is convinced he saw one fly past the back window. I hope so, even if all I saw was a moth and a helicopter. I would love to have bats.

2003-08-12T20:08:00.000Z

Ah, realism

Scary Movie 2, the Exorcist spoof: the priest enters the possessed child's bedroom, to be confronted by the classic head-turning-360-degrees scene.

"Fuck that," he says, and disappears out the door.

Now that's how it would really shake down.

2003-08-11T21:27:00.000Z

Organisation

Since vague and unformed doesn't seem to have worked, I'm trying the other extreme. I've created a new master document in Word, using headings, subdocuments and the document map to navigate around sections for character bios, history bibles and stepsheets. I'm getting organised to within an inch of my life.

2003-08-11T21:21:00.000Z

Rain

Rain, glorious rain. I hope this cools it down a bit. I can't think properly when I'm so hot all the time.

When I pack up work Thursday night, the three days til I go back seem to stretch out endlessly, with so much promise, yet it always seems that I get to Sunday night and spend it wishing I'd achieved more. I need a de-procrastination spell.

2003-08-10T15:14:00.000Z

Once More Unto the Vortext

Glad it's not just me that does the 'just gonna quickly read this...' thing. As Anna says:

Meanwhile, I managed to spend most of yesterday browsing and reading stories. It was one of those things where you're like, "I'll just read a few before I start writing," and then your snack-sized impulse insidiously takes you over and before you know it hours have passed and you haven't written a thing, because it was all just your subconscious's way to distract you from staying on task.

Vortext - isn't that just the greatest word ever? Describes it perfectly, if accidentally. [Bows in 'I am not worthy' mode to a subconscious that creates such things].

And yes, I loved the amnesiac slave story, too. Gorgeously done.

Aaagghh.. the vortext... too strong... sucking me back in... the engines cannae take it, Cap'n...

2003-08-09T22:21:00.000Z

Hot stuff

I know I'd be complaining if it was minus five and snowing, but I really can't stand this heat much longer. I am just so tired of feeling damp all the time.

2003-08-09T20:37:00.000Z

Favourite Buffy Moments #4

Who Are You, Season 4: Faith's 'I could ride you at a gallop' speech to Spike. SMG does a tremendous job of playing Faith playing Buffy, and the chemistry between her and a shocked but entranced Spike is sizzling. Hoo boy. Hotter even than the freak heatwave we're having.

2003-08-09T10:31:00.000Z

'Disaster on the 8.32', or 'Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry'

The train is crowded, and Jude stares out of the window trying to ignore the jostle of people all around him. The boy sat next to him is sending a message on his mobile phone, and the little keypad beeps every time he presses a key. The noise is scraping down what's left of Jude's nerves and he turns his head to look pointedly at the boy, indulging fantasies of torture and an aeon of pain. The boy is sat close; his peripheral vision must be alerting him to Jude's stare, but he keeps his attention defiantly on the phone.

The baby two rows up, which has wailed intermittently throughout the journey, begins to cry again. A little ripple of resigned horror runs through the carriage like an electric current, underpinned by the mother's frazzled and desperate embarrassment. Her hatred of the child is only outweighed by her hatred of herself, and it presses against Jude's aching head like hot needles. He briefly closes his eyes, and wishes he'd never got on this train. He wishes his increasingly unreliable intuition had made him realise before now just how pointless the trip was going to be, and above all he wishes he'd never met Ally Fisher. Jude's world had rules, and Ally broke them. He didn't like that. What was worse was that she made him break them, and he liked that even less.

He reaches out and puts his hand on the knee of the boy with the mobile phone, and that finally gets his attention enough to make him turn his head to look. His eyes meet Jude's, who smiles.

"Stop," he says, and shocks himself with how much enmity escapes with the word. The boy drops the phone, and makes no attempt to pick it up.

Jude looks back out the window, furious with himself. His control is slipping.

He tries to reign in the anger but it has tasted freedom now and won't be denied. It wraps itself around him and squeezes luxuriously, reminding him that this is Ally's fault, all Ally's fault. His core, his soul - whatever you wanted to call it - had been locked safely away where it couldn't do any harm, least of all to Jude himself, but Ally had found a way to break in and set it loose. He curses her, and the people around him flinch slightly. He bites his lip, hard enough to draw blood. He hadn't even realised he'd spoken aloud.

The baby is still crying, and he can feel the noise drilling a hole in his defences. Its mother rocks it, her sweat-darkened hair hanging in her eyes. She wears no make-up, and can only be in her very early twenties, if that. "Shut up," she says. "Shut up, shut up, shut up." A woman seated opposite tuts loudly, and the girl's litany becomes a shriek. She opens her hands deliberatley and drops the child onto the floor, then stands up and begins to tear out great clumps of hair. She's still screaming, but there are no identifiable words any more.

As everyone stares and her and some begin to move, Jude belatedly sees what a terrible mistake this was. He'd meant to collect all this, to store it all up and throw it at Ally, to prove to her that she couldn't live in this world any more than he could. He'd known it would be bad, in fact he'd counted on it, but he'd expected his control to hold. He hadn't realised how much had already been worn away, how thin the barriers really were.

Arrogance, he thinks, and almost smiles. That was something Ally had tried to warn him about. In her training he'd told her she should have more confidence, and she'd looked at him with those too-serious eyes and said, "You have to watch for when confidence becomes arrogance, because that's what'll kill you. Confidence is good because it makes you think you can overcome your limits, but arrogance makes you think you don't have any."

When had she become so smart? And why hadn't he realised it? Damn her.

He stands up, knowing that he's failed, that he has to get off this train. He's trying to block the projection of anger but nothing's happening, and all over the train it's catching and flaring into violence. Neither the girl nor her baby are screaming any more, and he somehow doesn't think that's a good thing.

"I'm sorry," he says aloud, but he doesn't know who to.

The train lurches and he guesses someone has pulled the emergency cord, or handle, or whatever it was these days. There are too many people in motion, and bodies start to tumble over one another. His feet start to slide, and he realises there's blood on the floor. He tries projecting calm, but it's too subtle an emotion and his skills have deserted him. A man by his side aims a punch at his face, and he only just moves out of the way in time. Instinct takes over and he hits his attacker in the throat, pulling it at the last minute so that it doesn't do too much harm. The man drops at his feet, his fear a welcome blast of cold air in all the heat.

Fear. One of the most primal emotions there are and the easiest to project. Everyone's heart is full of fear just waiting for the slightest excuse to be released. Jude looks around, finding the nearest door. Fear, he can still do.

He concentrates it and lets it go, and there's a stunned, suspended moment when the scene in the carriage is nothing more than a grisly tableaux - a still from an urban horror film. Then it settles, and the space around him clears of people like magic. There's almost more damage done to vulnerable flesh in this terrified scramble than there was in the brawl, but he can't worry about that. He has to get away.

Luckily the train is an old-fashioned one with narrow doors that have a manual locking system, and he is able to wrestle one open and throw himself out onto the track. He turns an ankle when he lands awkwardly, but ignores the pain and runs. He doesn't know where he is or where he's going, but as long as it's away from the carnage behind him that's okay.

He stops when his lungs are more full of fire than air, and rests his hands on his knees until he can breathe again. He has no idea where she might be, so he just throws his head back and turns his face to the sky.

"Ally," he screams, and he knows that she'll come.

------

With thanks to Pogo for a genius suggestion. It wasn't exactly a train crash, but it did the trick.

2003-08-07T19:53:00.000Z

Riveted

I am currently sitting here completely enthralled by a programme exploring the psychology of the choice of beds in Fame Academy. Goddess help me.

I like Peter best (so far. I am hideously fickle), who comes from Colchester and seems like a strange but compelling hybrid of Jarvis, Brett Anderson and Brian Molko.

I don't like Louise, just because everyone else seems to so much. So what if her boyfriend is Jensen Button? Am I supposed to be impressed by that?

2003-08-07T19:27:00.000Z

Political Termination

So, Arnie runs for Governor of California. What a gift for the muck-raking journalists. I think he will find that political reporting is a teensy bit less flattering that Hollywood reporting. Let the circus commence.

2003-08-07T19:05:00.000Z

You had to be there

Talking about jokes, especially bad ones, I remember one that absolutely used to crack me and my mate Sam up when we were at school. It can still make me giggle now, if I try to tell it. I have no idea why.

Q. What did Spock say to Dr. McCoy? (Yes, I know it's wrong. That was part of why it was so funny. Don't ask me, I don't make the rules).
A. Where did I put my nimrod?

Mind you, I think we were certifiably insane when we were at school. Maybe that explains something.

2003-08-07T18:58:00.000Z

Has anybody seen my joke?

A post from Daniel about going to a comedy club and not being able to remember any of the jokes made me remember that I actually don't know my favourite joke. Well, I know the punchline but not the joke itself. I'm sure it's got something to do with fairies and toadstools, but for the life of me I can't get it. The answer is 'Because there's not mush room in it' but what's the flippin' question?

it's passed into common language in my household, so much so that any bad pun is met with 'well there wasn't mush room in that, was there?' so I'd like to give it proper credit, if I could.

Second favourite joke:

Darth Vader: Luke, I know what you've got for Christmas.
Luke: You fiend! How can you know that?
Darth: Because I have felt your presence for some time...

2003-08-06T22:33:00.000Z

Displacement Activity

Sigh. Can you tell that I'm having problems that I don't really want to think about with the novel? I have got to get a grip on the character of my lead male. I can't even make my mind up about his name, for heaven's sake. If I don't really know what he's like then I don't know what he'll do and if I don't know that then I can't move forward. Gah.

2003-08-06T22:23:00.000Z

Avon Calling

With apologies to Clare for stealing her cute title...

I'm getting totally into the idea of a Blakes' Seven/Buffy crossover now, except I think it should be the other way round - the rip in the fabric of the space-time continuum (whaddya mean? There's always a rip in the fabric of the space-time continuum. I watch Star Trek, I know these things.) happened on the Liberator and deposited Avon in Sunnydale, in the alley behind the Bronze. The first vampire he met would try and turn him, to make him into his/her eternal partner in disturbing sexual depravity. (Obviously. Who wouldn't?) Avon would watch them go fang-face with that slightly raised eyebrow and little half-smile that clearly says 'I was killing things way scarier than you when I was in nappies' and while they were paralysed with lustful inferiority he would casually walk up to them, look as if he was going to say something and then just behead them instead, because they really weren't worth wasting a syllable of his beautiful voice on.

Word would get out to Buffy that there was a new player in town, and she'd seek him out to suss out which side he's playing on. But of course, she never would. She'd be captivated by the studded black leather, the accent and the irrestistable allure of the take-no-shit, I'll-treat-you-mean-and-you'll-love-it sexual predator. He'd respect her strength, be equally amused and irritated by the remnants of her valley-girl persona and have no qualms whatsoever about letting her go first into the line of fire. In fact, he'd insist upon it. She'd show him her world, and be strangely proud of it, but he'd learn how it all works far quicker than he had a right to and she'd be disappointed to realise than he really had no need of her at all. He'd stay, though, because it was convenient. Also because he got a kick out of being in her high-octane life, and a part of him - the oh-so-deeply buried part of him that loved Blake - admired her, but he wouldn't admit that even under torture. Not even to himself.

Willow would simultaneously hero-worship him for his brain and his anti-geek confidence, and despise him for his misanthropy. She'd mistrust him - rightly - and hate him a little for not caring enough to try and prove her wrong. She'd worry - also rightly - that Buffy would fall hard for his cold-hearted bad-boy glamour and that even if he tried he'd never quite be able to love her back. She would secretly aspire to be like him, and be terribly disappointed in herself for it. When she fought demons on her own, with no-one else around, she'd try on his style for size and scare herself by how much she took to it. She'd feel a little threatened by his sexuality and be compelled to flaunt her lesbian cred around him. He'd encourage her, because it entertained him and he'd know how much it confused her. Her ambiguity towards him would please him immensely, and although her niceness would sometimes exasperate him he'd recognise that selfish core she tries so hard to suppress, and feel a sense of kindred. He'd spend a lot of time with her, teaching her his skills, and wouldn't resent it.

Xander would be rendered speechless by him. Literally. He wouldn't be able to say anything, to contribute anything, in his prescence. The gulf between them, in intellect, experience and ability, would turn Xander's brain to nothing more than a roar of white noise. He'd know, in his heart, that Avon could never take his place but he'd torment himself with that thought so much and so constantly that he would start making it come true. He'd try to blame him but fail, because he'd know that it wasn't Avon's doing at all - he wouldn't be interested in taking Xander's place. He wouldn't be interested in Xander at all. The only time he would react to Xander's prescence would be if he did something boyish or self-deprecating that reminded him fleetingly of Vila. Then he'd wonder, briefly, what happened to the others without him. But he wouldn't dwell on it and he would never try to get back.

Giles would be intimidated by him, but be faintly pleased that there was another man closer to his own age on the team. He would cede Alpha male status to him immediately, and maintain a respectful distance. He'd worry about his influence on Buffy but wouldn't quite dare to say anything to either of them about it. Avon would be the only person he'd met in years capable of making Giles feel stupid. He'd bitch to Xander about how much better it was before he came, but would never be sure if he really meant it. He'd work hard to impress him, and every time it didn't work he'd vow passionately to himself that he wasn't going to do it again. But he would. Avon would find Giles a little disturbing, as if it gave him a vision of how he might have turned out in different circumstances. He'd be extra vacant around him, to make up for it.

Spike. Ah, Avon and Spike. A relationship made in heaven, hell, and a slash writer's paradise. Two feral creatures endlessly circling, testing each other's boundaries in the kind of dance that Spike was made for and Avon is master of. Each would fascinate the other, prying and delving and wounding with controlled fire. The violence would always be there, but subtly - in undercurrents and implications, neither allowing the loss of control to happen because that would mean the game had been lost. And neither would ever want the game to end. Both would recognise their own heart in the other - the sameness and the differences, the strength and the darkness. Spike would defy Avon at every opportunity, regardless of what he actually felt, just for the thrill of going toe-to-toe with him. It would transcend ego and become about honour, about the ritual of paying homage to a worthy opponent. Each would play to the fear and the love of death in the other, and Spike would know again how it feels to have a companion who prefers the shadows to the light and has no shame in admitting it. Avon would make a study of Spike, of the vampire and - more privately - of the man. He would compare him to Blake, deriding his desire for redemption and love. He would torment him about Buffy, goad him into fury and be enthralled by the demonstration of his own power. Spike would quickly realise this, but continue to play along because he knows it's what he wants. Avon would wonder what it would be like to surrender to Spike's bite, and whether the day will come when he will ask to find out.

Becoming Tony Blackburn

Closed For Business

I remember...

Woe is me

Restless

Read: King Rat, China Mieville

The Wanderer Returns

Damn fine show, sirs

Amen to that

That's not what it said on the tin

Revenge of the Vegetarian Subconscious

The Veggie Dilemma

Speaking of Not Caring...

All publicity is good publicity

Rowan Atkinson

The Rules of Attraction

Invasion of the Taste Snatchers

Replay

Morpheus

I give in

Read: Guilty Pleasures, The Laughing Corpse, Circus of the Damned, Laurell K Hamilton

Oh okay then - if I *have* to

Fic Update

Welcome home, pet

Here's hoping, Pt 2

Here's hoping

Dogma

Writers' Spread

Infodump

Story Of Your Life Pt 3

Fic Update

Story Of Your Life Pt 2 - The Sequel

Eee. Ooh. Aggh

Angel

Story Of Your Life

Entropy

Music Meme

Friday Five - Driving In My Car

Blogbuster

The Wanderer Returns

The Great Embryo Debate

Today, I have been mostly...

At home

Hair

Arr, me hearties

Languid

Write Sparks

Playing with matches

I just can't get enough of these things

Ware the gerbils

Thoroughly recommended

Snoozing

Gratuitous

Overcrowding

Songs that make you go eep

David Blaine, what a fruitloop

Arachnid Attraction

Thinking about names

Friday Five - A Rose By Any Other Name

This morning, I have been mostly eating....

In The Words Of...

Let's talk about sex

Amsterdam

Friday Five - Being A Slob

Meet & Greet

Speaking of celebrity

Brushes with celebrity

My telly gets on my nerves

I want to be

Random thought

Battle Cry

The Peacemaker

Tribbles!

The Friday Five

Let's facilitate some visionary systems!

Lyrical Indignation

Muse Rule OK

Favourite Buffy Moments #6

Read: The Lost Slayer by Christopher Golden

Strangefic

Oh okay then - if I have to